How to Piss Me Off in 6 Easy Steps: A Guide for MuGA Scan Technicians

1. Call me Judy.


2. Stay in the room and stare at me while I change into a gown.


3. After staring at me, ask me why I am tense.


4. Tell me to lie perfectly still and then neglect to ask how I'm doing or give me the opportunity to move or stretch in between the three separate scans, so that I am immobilized—with my arms held above my head—for 30 minutes.


5. After waiting until I have fallen asleep to loudly announce that the test is finished, look directly into my startled eyes and say, "Oh, did I wake you?"


6. Send me on my way, leaving three of the electrodes stuck to my chest.