Things I Miss

1. The attention span and powers of concentration that would allow me to read a book.


2. Stamina.


3. A lack of awareness of my left arm.


4. Tingle-free fingertips.


5. A normal appetite.


6. A semi-functional digestive system.


7. The ability to carry grocery bags in my left hand.


8. The flat, unscarred flesh above my hateful port.


9. My relatively flat stomach and the clothes attached to the waistbands that used to fit around it.


10. The freedom to have a facial.


11. The freedom to have a drink.


12. The freedom to sample the batter when I bake cookies.


13. The freedom to wear anything in my closet without having to worry about whether I have a hat to match.


14. My fertility.


15. My salary.


16. Flying on planes without worrying that my left arm would swell up for all eternity.


17. Going to the theater or to the movies without having to take a pre-emptive nap.


18. Being one of the most dependable people anybody knew.


19. Having an uncomplicated answer when someone asks what I do.


20. Being able to make plans without having to check which week it will be.


21. Being able to leave the house without having to pack an assortment of medications, a pack of tissues, a scarf (or sweater or jacket), a bottle of water, and an extra hat.


22. Having the energy to talk on the phone.


23. Being able to lie comfortably on my stomach.


24. Recognizing myself in the mirror.


25. Never wondering if someone was just being nice because they knew I had cancer.