Misery

With very brief exceptions, the past two days have been absolutely horrendous.

The toxic waste dump formerly known as my digestive system has been wreaking unbearable havoc.

Please note: I have not wanted to write about the toxic-waste dump.

I have not wanted to think about the toxic-waste dump.

And I'm pretty sure you haven't wanted to read about the toxic-waste dump.

But has that deterred the toxic-waste dump?

Not one tiny bit.

It has been nothing short of relentless.

I feel nothing short of possessed.

And I have no idea how to mollify it.

I have tried.

And I have failed.

And tomorrow morning I will officially admit defeat.

I will call MOSWO.

I will cringe as I recount my symptoms in embarrassing detail.

I will try to get away with using words like indigestion instead of persistent, uncontrollable belching.

I will avoid using the D word.

I will try to find humorous euphemisms.

I will tell him that keeping things down has not been a problem but that keeping things up has been impossible.

I will confess that my net caloric intake over the past 48 hours probably hasn't broken into double digits.

And I will do whatever he says.